One of THOSE days

I really don't usually like to complain on my blog, but it was one of THOSE days where I cried at least 3 or 4 times.

Two experiences to share:

First of all I was at Toys-R-Us today. I know. Crappy time of the year to be there. But I had to let Logan test out some bikes so Santa knows what size to make Logan's bike. It was both lunch time and nap time. Bad combination. We were there for an hour and Lo was beyond ready to go.

We go to check out at and he's begging over and over for money to ride the toys at the front. I'm trying to swipe my card and ignoring him so I can hurry through the line. When out of the corner of my eye I see my cart start to tip. I look back and see that Logan was holding onto the side of the cart, standing on the bottom frame to boost himself up, probably to see Lincoln. Well he was too heavy for the cart and he tipped it to the side, and it's teetering between going back to normal and completely falling over. So I'm yelling, "Logan! Logan! Logan!" over and over, unable to spit out the words, "let go!" This catches the attention of EVERYONE in the front of the store. All of the check out stands, all of the employees, all of the customers in line. All eyes on me, or at least it felt that way.

And despite my best efforts to tip the cart back the right way, it falls completely on it's side and I make my best effort to protect Lincoln's head (who's buckled right into the cart... not in his car seat) from hitting the ground. Luckily this is a store filled with parents who (I hope!) understand. The mom in front of me gathered up my wallet, cards, receipts that went flying during the chaos and then starts to comfort Logan who was crying because he was semi-trapped under the cart. The mom behind me is trying to pick the cart back up while I'm trying to unbuckle screaming Lincoln to comfort him and make sure he's ok. Then the really embarrassing part. I lose my temper and tell Logan to go wait in the front of the store to get him out of the way. Then while holding Lincoln, carrying my bag and dragging the cart behind me, I usher Logan out of the store, to make him understand how dangerous that was. Meanwhile he's now throwing a fit because he can't understand why I'm not letting him ride the stupid rides. Agh. I got into the car and cried because I felt like the worst mom ever and my adrenaline was pumping and I started cursing the crazy holiday season, yada yada yada.

Experience #2:

Tonight I was busy in the kitchen. Ben was getting changed in the bedroom. Lincoln was on the living room floor scooting around. Logan was cleaning up his books that were in the living room. Lincoln was getting tired and fussy, but all of a sudden I heard screaming coming from the living room. Lincoln was crying. HARD. He was turning blue because he wasn't breathing. I couldn't tell if he was choking on something or just crying hard, so I scream for Ben to come out there. I start to see the signs of him passing out and I handed him over to Ben. Logan used to do this when he was 18 months old. They cry so hard they get deprived of oxygen and turn blue and their body gets really stiff and their little arms and hands cramp up and their eyes roll back into their heads. Then they stop screaming or making any noise and after a couple of second they come back to and their muscles relax completely and they get floppy in your arms and then start to cry because I'm sure that's got to hurt.

But something was different this time - Lincoln has never done this before and for some reason it just looked different than when Logan used to do it. While Ben was holding him, Linc passed out and his body relaxed like it should. Ben laid him on the ground, but we noticed his eyes were still closed and he was still blue. Crap. Meanwhile I'm trying to tell Logan to get out of the way and ask him what happened all at the same time to try to figure out if Linc's choking on something. Then Ben hovers over him to watch and listen for Linc to breathe and he tells me to call 911. So I do, and right as they're about to answer and right as Ben is about to start CPR, Lincoln starts breathing again and crying. So I hung up. This was all in about 30 seconds, but it felt like eternity. Seeing your baby lying on the ground, blue, not breathing and lifeless is more than I ever want to see. My adrendaline is pumping once again, I'm starting to cry a bit and trying to talk to Logan to find out what happened and then my phone rings. It's dispatch calling me back to make sure we're ok. Holding back tears of frustration and adrenaline, I explain the situation and the lady asks if we want a paramedic to come check Lincoln out. We declined because he was back to his normal color, eyes were dilating and was responsive and ok at this point. She informs me that they're still sending out an officer. "Great" I think. Just what we need is someone coming to investigate to make sure we're not beating or neglecting our children.

Well talk about fast, I hung up the phone and not even 5 seconds later the officer was knocking at our door. We let him in and gratefully he was completely understanding and nice and explained that he has three boys and they do this too. He asked if we wanted a paramedic to check him out and we declined again and he went on his way.

I still don't know what exactly made Linc cry that hard. Logan said he was swinging his library bag and it hit Lincoln in the face. I believe Logan, but I'm wondering if his head go caught a bit and was jerked around? I know Lincoln was mad to begin with so that didn't help.

Anyway, Linc's fine, but the poor guy has had a rough day and so has Logan, failing twice at being a good big brother today. And Me? Besides feeling like an awful Mom I'm fine. :-) It was just a rough reminder that sometimes what I think is so important to get done at the time is really not so important. Holidays make us busy and more speedy, but it's important to slow down and keep in mind what's really important... my two sweet boys.

PS) I didn't proof read this so I hope it makes sense! :-)